The politics of who-to-tell

Beyond the small core of people I needed to tell immediately, there’s a much larger group of family members and friends I want to contact to let them all know what's going on with me, but so far I haven’t been able to do that. I'm in such a state of confusion and limbo. In my head I go through the motions of making the calls and I get stumped when it comes to what to say. The information just isn’t there.

I envision making a host of emotionally charged calls, only to have to go through the process all over again when I find out something more concrete. So I haven't yet. But there are people who know, and they are telling others. I’m grateful that they’re willing to share the burden of spreading my terrible news, but now I’m worried that the news will reach some I wanted to reach first.

For those of you I haven’t spoken with yet, I apologize. I’m not sure how much talking and second-guessing I can stand before I make myself crazy. Or make you crazy. I will use this venue as a place to post the facts as and when I know them.

And I’ll include what I can of my thoughts and feelings so we can individually decide how and when and whether to get in touch. In some cases that decision won’t be any much easier for you than it is for me. Cancer makes everyone uncomfortable and if my condition stirs fears in you that keep us apart, you’ll still have this space to find updates when you want them.