Monday, August 27, 2007

And the beat goes on…

I’m returning from the Cancer Center, where I had the Genasense pump removed, received steroid and Abraxane infusions, met with my oncologist and program-supervisor nurse; in short, spent most of a day in the City at the place I’ve come to know as home-away-from-home.

Things are different. A heavy weight has been removed since my last PET scan. The threat of imminent danger is gone. I no longer wake with my heart pounding in fear of what the day will bring. On the other hand, there is still a sense of having to complete a long and rigorous journey.

This is a very different and much preferable trip. Difficult, yes, but it’s not like, for example, being trapped in a collapsed mine or on an icy mountain, hoping every minute that rescuers will arrive, but knowing there’s a chance time will run out before they break through. Or the panic that airline passengers felt moments before they slammed into the World Trade Center, knowing their lives were about to come to a violent end.

I’m not trying to minimize the horror of those other situations, but terror is terror. I experienced many moments of panic this summer knowing that no matter how valiant my fight, circumstances could drop from the sky and blow me away once again.

I may be out of imminent danger, but the struggle goes on.

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