Thursday, November 8, 2007


“Wanna see something funny?” I asked my daughter recently while lifting off my wig.

“You’re covered with fuzz!” she exclaimed. “How cute.”

It’s been several weeks since my last Abraxane infusion, the drug that caused me to lose my hair. My head is now covered with hair, feathery and white. It’s not long enough to really keep me from looking bald, and there’s a good chance I’ll lose it again. But in the meantime, it’s pointing the way to what I have to look forward to.

Sometime in the not too distant future I have a decision to make. I would so love to be free of the expensive and time-consuming color habit I never wanted to start in the first place, but once started, I’ve faithfully maintained for the past fifteen or so years. I’m genetically disposed to white hair, but it’s something I was never prepared to welcome on my head. It reminds me too much of my grandmother, who had the snowiest of snow white hair from the earliest I remember her. Now when I see pictures of my young grandmother in her mid-forties, I’m amazed at her young face. That white hair was such a striking statement of “old” that I never got past.

The wig I wear is very close in color to what my hair salon came up with for years. It’s a good match for what my color used to be. But as we age, our skin tone mellows. Mother Nature is the perfect colorist and what she has come up with for me now is white hair to go with my toned down skin. When I see myself bare-headed in the mirror I’m struck with how the halo of white actually brightens up my face.

But then there’s the “old” thing. White hair will always seem old. Am I ready for it? Such a dilemma!

I’d like to post a picture here, but I’ll give it a couple more weeks to grow in before I have another Abraxane reaction and it starts falling out again. Maybe my friends can help me decide. Although, truth be known, who's actually going to tell me I look old?!


Tamar said...

I say "go for it!" Interestingly, I just read about this book this week:

Going Gray: What I Learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters


Ceil said...

That's a mighty strange looking link! Oddly enough, just highlight it from beginning to end, paste the whole thing into the browser, and it finds its way to Amazon.

Here's an alternative link for anyone who has trouble with it or is intimidated by all those underscores and equal signs:

Thanks for the encouragement and the reference Tamar. Grey is definitely IN. I saw a piece on the other day, a link to a slideshow of women who had gone the natural route. We'll be seeing more and more of that as more and more boomers of grey age get fed up with "processing".

Toni M. Feltman said...

This doesn't just apply to baby boomers. I am getting very light colored as well. Ceil, you know what my mom looks like. She was that color since age 27. :-) Her hair is slightly darker now than it was before her treatments and much curlier.

Ceil said...

Oooh... curly. I want it to be curly! I hear so often that it grows in that way after chemo, but my feathers are very straight right now. They're also very short, so maybe that will change when they're longer.

Curly and white... I think I could live with that.

Laura White said...

Snow white sounds striking! Of course you should go with whatever makes you feel great, but I seldom see a woman with white hair who doesn't make me envious.

You'll have time to try the new look on for size while your hair is growing in. You'll know what makes you feel best. Don't forget that you can change your mind at any time! Just promise me you won't choose purple or green!

Ceil said...

Purple and green are not on the ballot! The choices are white or light brown. Your imagination is working overtime. :)