Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Comfort Zone

I'm a pretty private person. I don’t normally volunteer a lot of personal details, and I find lots of ways to avoid feeling exposed. This blog is a huge departure from that.

“That’s not my way,” my ex commented when I told him I’d started one. But I suppose this is a way for me to throw rocks at the enemy. Get in the first shot and hurl something – even if it’s just words – with intensity. Keep it from getting so dark around me I can’t notice something creeping up to grab me.

Besides, my experience tells me the most devastating fears are reactions to the unknown. I easily get paralyzed when I don’t know what’s coming or from which direction. The panic I’ve witnessed in myself and others has all radiated from the question: “What’s going to happen to me?” Simply asking that question implies passiveness and lack of control that adds fuel to the burning fear.

For my peace of mind, I’m trying to keep lights shining on the issues. Huge floodlights. Get enough information to make decisions and plans and keep my priorities straight.

But I’m way outside my comfort zone.

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