Sunday, June 24, 2007

A day of people and a Vincent Black Lightning

I’m a bit of a hermit. I’ve become more so over the years. My life was somewhat more social when I was younger, but the last few years have more and more focused on work and supporting myself. The problems of remaining an independent consultant consumed me to where I haven’t always felt there was time left over for fun. And that attitude plays well with my tendency to believe deep down that I probably don’t deserve fun anyway.

Yes, I’ve struggled with depression. But when I feel weighted down like that, I don’t want to share myself with others. Asking for help proves nearly impossible. I dig into the place in me that dictates I do everything myself and for the most part, remain alone.

Since my diagnosis, many people have reached out to me. I’m so touched by all the warmth, generosity of spirit, and genuine caring. My friend Althea says people are grateful to find any way they can to be helpful and show support. I'm not used to being a center of attention, and this is yet another way I’m pulled outside my comfort zone.

My sister called early yesterday to invite me to share babysitting duties with her on Long Island. This wasn't to be a chore; it's time she cherishes with her three young granddaughters. I drove out there and shared precious moments with all of them.

In the evening, I drove back to Westchester, where I’d been invited to a live concert in a local theater. Music has comforted me through some especially rough periods in my life. I love live music and have spent many nights attending shows in nearby clubs, restaurants, and small theaters.

Richard Thompson is a fantastic guitar player. 1952 Vincent Black Lightning is one of his best known songs; it's certainly my favorite. He makes technical excellence appear effortless, while infusing his music with a quality I like to call “emotional texture”.

Last night’s show was terrific and terrifically enjoyable. In all, a wonderful day.

I’m truly touched.

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